Survivor's Guilt
by DimitriEliStarkLover
Summary: When Clare walked away from everything she once knew, she had to start over. She now is moving to New York and truly beginning her life over. However, will she be able to truly forget when her old life keeps spilling into her current one? What happens when old friends and new problems clash together into one big mess? Will she get through it? Or will she give up for good this time?
1. The Trip

****Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi. I just own the plot.**

* * *

><p><strong>Hey Guys! I'm back! Just like I promised! <strong>

**This is the sequel to Ransom Romance, so if you haven't read that, please read that first. **

**I promise that I will stick to my time line, and I hope you guys like this story, as much or possibly more than Ransom Romance. I already have the story etched out with what I want to happen but as you go along, feel free to give your opinions and what you want to see because I'm writing this for me but I'm also writing this for you guys too. I hope you guys enjoy!**

**As always, Read and Review!**

* * *

><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

"Hey? Are you ready?" I turned around to see Jake standing there.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I stated.

"I'll start bring these to the truck then." Jake said, picking up one of the boxes by the door.

As I finished packing the last of the boxes, I looked around the room that I've called home for the past year, and sighed. It was bare, and looked just about the way it was when I moved in. Only now, things were different. Now, Jake was moving to the States for business permanently, and I was moving to New York.

I haven't spoken to my parents in over a year. A year and two and a half months to be exact. Not since the day they officially kicked me out. They kept their distance, and I kept mine. I didn't want to speak with them anyways.

Darcy was the only one I spoke to, occasionally, since I moved out. However, she went back to Kenya about a week after my move to the States and I haven't heard from her since. She explained to me that she understood why I did what I did, but didn't believe that it was the right thing to do. She also told me that being around me and my past, was just too much.

She told me that it reminded her too much of what happened to her when she was my age. When she was raped by some guy at a party and was humiliated by her peers and friends when the story came out. She tried to kill herself then too. She told me it was a really dark period in her life, and she never wanted to go back to that, or think about that ever again. So she left.

I can understand that I suppose, but I really wanted that family-base I was so used to having. I hoped that my parents would come around but they didn't, and then I figured Darcy would, but she moved to the other side of the world. Now Jake and I were going our separate ways, and I am left on my own. Without that family-base. In a new country and in a new city. One that was known for it's over-crowding and traffic-ridden streets.

I don't know if I'll like it in New York. All I know is that I need a fresh start. Somewhere. Anywhere.

After packing up the last of my things, I brought them down and met Jake at the van. He rented me a van to transfer my stuff to the dorms, I would drop it off the day after I arrived there. I was thankful for him to do that, but it also stunk that he wasn't going to be going with me. He had a demolition job to do over the long weekend, so it was up to me to move myself into my dorm.

I didn't really have that much stuff, and none of it was big since I would get a desk, bed, and nightstand already in my room. So all of my furniture from Jake's apartment, stayed there. I told him he could sell it all but he said he was going to keep it for when I visited. He didn't need the extra room and wasn't going to use it anyways.

"Are you all packed up?" He asked.

"Yup." I said.

"Got your passport? Your student visa?"

"Yes, Dad." I teased. "I have everything."

"Remember your visa expires every year. And you have to get it renewed beforehand or you will be deported." He continued.

"Jake. Don't worry." I smiled.

"I know. I know. It's just, you, going off on your own. After everything that happened last year, I am surprised you are doing this." He explained.

"It's because of what happened last year. I want a true fresh start. I graduated high school. I saved up enough to do this, and I have the scholarship and the financial aid helping me out. Plus, I've got some money put away. Once I get a job there, I'll be set. It couldn't be a better time to do this." I stated. "I'll see you at the holidays, okay?"

"I'll see you then." He smiled, hugging me. I glanced back at Jake once more before climbing into the driver's seat.

"Here goes nothing." I said to myself, starting the truck up.

I watched through the side mirror as the town, I once called home, disappeared.


	2. The Arrival

**Hey Guys! I'm back! I hope you guys like this chapter. It's still a little short but I promise I am working on getting the chapters longer. But it honestly depends on what the chapter is going to hold and how long it takes me to get there so really it's a matter of how wordy I am with it. I usually just sit down and start writing and see where it leads me. Anywho, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! And I will back next Wednesday with another one! Thanks guys!**

**As always, Read and Review!**

* * *

><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

The car ride was long and tiresome. I stopped for gas when I first left, and didn't need to fill it up again. So that meant I was literally stuck in the van for four hours. I didn't want to stop unless absolutely necessary, so I literally drove straight through. It was boring, but I had the radio so it wasn't that unpleasant. I just really wanted to get there.

When I arrived, I parked in the student lot meant for my dorm. Unfortunately, I was on the third floor so I had some walking to do with unloading, but I was too excited to care. I had my own room, and I got my own space where I could work on my writing. I also had looked at the floor plan when I got my room assignment and found out it was one of the largest single rooms on that floor.

I lucked out with that, but wasn't complaining. However, I was next to a double. So that could be troubling if they are loud. But only time would tell if they were. After I parked the van, I decided to go find my dorm. Then I would start moving the boxes into it.

I walked into the dorm and immediately, was surrounded by simplicity and elegance. The room was a basic lobby area that was a cross between a business and a home. It had the executive and formal edge to the furniture that gave everything a modest look. Two-seater sofas lined the walls sporadically, and were placed in clusters around the room.

The fixtures around the room, were what made it have a homey feel to it. The lights above were elegant chandeliers, but they were ones you would find in a home and it gave the room a nice glow. There were also giant, arched windows on both sides of the doors, the one I came in and the one opposite me. The sun was slowly setting, and it cast a warm glow over everything, mixing well with the chandeliers' light. There were people coming and going but for the most part no one was actually sitting in the lobby.

There was a door across from me, that lead into the campus itself, and two arch ways that lead in different directions on the adjacent walls. One went to the stairwells that lead upstairs, that I was currently heading towards, and one went to a few dorm rooms that specifically were singles and only upperclassmen can stay in those. Supposedly they were bigger.

Heading up the stairs, I passed by students that were heading in all directions. Currently, the majority of the students looked to be moving in. Some were with families, and most were moving things into rooms. Some of the students looked like they were heading to classes, and even though most students didn't start until the fall semester began, others either continued from the spring into summer, or they started in the early admissions option.

I had that option, but that would have me moving here back in May and not now. Jake and I both believed it was too soon to do that, especially since I wasn't officially graduated yet. Granted I didn't even go to my own graduation, I still hadn't received my diploma yet, meaning that I wasn't technically a graduate until June.

When I arrived at my floor, I walked towards the area where my dorm was supposed to be, following a print out of the layout of the floor. It was given to me in the welcome package I received, in the mail a couple weeks ago. The package also included my room key. I found my room, it was located right in front of the bathrooms and to the right of the stairs.

When I unlocked it and went in, I saw that the room was bare, besides the actual furniture in it. It had a bed up against the right side of the room under the window. A wardrobe sat at the foot of the bed. On the opposite side of the room, was were the desk and the bookshelf sat side by side.

All of which I knew would be there, because it said so in my welcome package. There was also a micro-fridge combination, that I was renting through the school's discount, and it had already arrived and was set up. Everything else I had to bring with me.

After taking a good look around, I left the room, and decided to start getting my things from the van, since it was already getting dark outside. As I was closing the door, I bumped into someone walking by.

"Oh. Gosh. I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going." I exclaimed turning around to apologize to the person. It was a guy around my age, maybe a little older, and he was looking me up and down.

"Don't worry about it." He smirked. The smirk reminded me of Eli briefly, before I shook away the memory. "I'll see you around?"

"Yeah." I smiled briefly, as I watched him walk off. Right then, I knew I was going to like it here.


	3. The Move In

**Hey guys! I'm back! So excited to finally get into this story. I hate all the boring chapters that have to be done. I know that there will still be plenty of those to come but trust me. This story is going to get interesting. Clare just needs to adjust and get into the flow of Columbia first. So bear with me. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and I will see you guys next Wednesday!**

**As always, Read and Review!**

****Hey guys! I am soo sorry! I didn't realize I was still having those stupid technical issues. I don't know what it is, but I honestly had this chapter posted Wednesday morning before work. I had no idea that it didn't post on your end. I will be more careful and prepared for that in the future. I hope you guys still enjoy this chapter, and I apologize for the wait.**

* * *

><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

"Come on." I muttered, while searching for my dorm key. I was propping a box in between me and the door, while searching through my purse that was slung over my shoulder.

"Here. Let me help." A voice said. I turned to see a girl grab my purse off of my shoulder, and search through it. She found the key I was looking for, and moved to open the door. After the door was unlocked, she held it open for me to go through. "Let me guess, Freshman?"

"How'd you know?" I asked, smiling.

"Because that's what I looked like last year." She smiled. "Hi, I'm Katie."

"Clare." I smiled back.

"Do you need some help moving things in?" She asked.

"Oh. I don't want to bother you. I'm sure you have a lot of stuff to do to." I stated.

"I moved in early. So I'm free today. My roommate won't be moving in until tomorrow, so I don't mind." She reassured.

"Okay. That would be great. Thanks." I smiled.

Katie and I walked out of the building and down to the van. We talked about our personal lives, as well as the campus. Katie showed me around briefly, as we continued going back and forth, bringing boxes up to my dorm room. I also found out that she was in a double with her childhood best friend, Marisol, down the hall.

It took us over an hour to bring all the boxes and other things from the van into my room. I was glad I had help, because I knew that if I didn't, I would've been working on it for more than twice as long.

"Are you hungry? The dining hall is serving dinner right now, and we can head over and then we can start unpacking?" Katie asked. "Plus I can show you around more."

"Sure." I agreed, following Katie down the hall.

The campus has several dining areas, and our dorm was actually right next to one of the main halls. When we arrived there, I was stunned at the size. It was massive, and very expensive looking. There was enough seating for almost the entire undergraduate class. There were a least five different lines you could go to, all having different foods.

Katie walked towards one line, and I decided to follow her. I wasn't really picky, especially after what happened last year. I would eat what I could get. So I was willing to eat anything. When we had finally gotten our food, Katie directed us over to a table with a couple other students. We sat with them, and greeted them but Katie said she didn't really know them.

"Most people come and go at different times, so you won't always see the same people. Marisol usually eats at the earlier ends of serving times, because she has class afterwards. But I tend to go later on because I can't eat that early." She explains. "Most people are friendly though, so you can pretty much sit wherever. Sometimes I'll sit and talk with people, other times I'll just sit with them and read something I brought with me."

"That's cool." I nodded. I glanced around the room, scoping the place out a little, when I see that guy from before. He was cleaning up and chatting with a large guy. "Out of curiosity." I began. "Who's that guy?"

"Who? Mo?" Katie asked confused.

"Is that the one wearing mostly black?" I asked.

"No. That's Zig. Mo is the other guy. He's actually dating Marisol. Zig is his band mate." Katie explained. "Why?"

"No reason. I just bumped into him earlier, and I was just curious." I said. I didn't want to mention the fact that he reminded me of Eli. That would open a whole can of worms I wasn't ready to open.

"Do you like him?" She asked curiously.

"No. No. He just reminds me of someone I used to know." I sighed.

"Your ex." She stated. "Did you leave him back home?"

"I—" I cut off. How could I possibly explain Eli? How could I possibly explain our situation in just a few simple words? "It's complicated."

"Isn't it always?" She smiled.

"Seems that way." I exhaled, thinking back to K.C. and then to Eli. "It really does."

We continued to talk while eating. We kept the conversation light and safe, by keeping it on school. We didn't really talk about our families, which I was grateful because that was also another subject I didn't want to get into just yet.

After we finished we headed back to our dorm, taking the long way so Katie could show me around a little more. When we made it back, we began unpacking. We spent another hour doing that, before calling it a night. I was tired after the long drive, and Katie said that she needed to call her sister before it got too late.

When I finally climbed into bed, I just laid there, staring at the ceiling. I wasn't able to sleep even though I knew I was tired. My mind was just swimming with everything that has happened. I was in Columbia University. I was miles away from any family. I didn't have a job. And I missed the three friends I had. I would've still had been friends with Alli, but I missed her. She didn't deserve to die like that. Especially because of me.

Adam and Eli, however, were out there somewhere. I just hadn't spoken to them in over a year. A year and two months. Just as long as my parents. I cried so many times over not having them in my life. But then I beat myself up over the fact that I pushed them away. I was the one at fault here. I felt bad because I knew that. I knew that if I hadn't run away, I would've still been friends with Adam and most likely would still be dating Eli.

No one is to blame but myself. I realized then that I was still not over him. I hadn't thought about him in months, but after Zig reminding me so much of Eli, I know that I am not over him. I don't know if I ever will be. I guess I have to try. And what better way, then to try at college? I don't have anything holding me back here. Nothing to keep the past with me.

I will begin my fresh start tomorrow. I will get over Eli. I will create new friendships. I will become strong. I will become a confident person. And I will get through this. That's what I kept telling myself over and over again until I fell asleep. Too bad I knew I wasn't even fooling myself.


	4. The Job Search

**Hey Guys! I'm back! I just wanted to let you guys know that I am really trying to make these chapters longer! I really am. However, what I might do is go back and combine chapters in Ransom Romance to make them longer, and do the same for this story too. That's the only way I can think it would work. Oh well. Anyways, hope you guys enjoy the chapter! As always, Read and Review!**

* * *

><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

"Clare, what would I ever do without you?" Katie beamed.

"Crash and burn, I suppose." I smiled back, watching as she walked back into the classroom.

"Hey, Clare. What are you doing?" Zig asked, as he came walking up.

"Katie forgot her assignment back at her dorm, and Marisol was in class." I replied.

It was Friday, and classes had started on Tuesday. I have been living here for almost two weeks now. I was really becoming accustomed to living here. So much so, that I was already learning new insider knowledge about the best places to hide from people, the best ways to sneak people in and out of your dorm, et cetera. There was a lot I was learning here, and I couldn't be more happier.

"Thank god. I had to turn that in by the end of the class or it was a zero." Katie exhaled, as she came walking back out of the class. "You are a life saver."

"What are friends for?" I joked. She smiled, before turning to Zig.

"Hi, Zig. What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Well, I do go to school here. It's not a crime." He smirked. Every time I saw it, it sent a pang to my chest, however, that pang was lessening the more time I spent with him.

"Stop being such a smart ass." Katie smiled, shaking her head.

"Do you have a free period?" I asked Zig. "Because Katie and I were going to go get some breakfast."

"For you? Of course I do." He teased. I blushed, but tried to keep it at bay. We all started heading down the hallway, while Zig changed the subject. "So do you want to come listen to our band, tonight? Katie has heard us, but you haven't. I, personally, guarantee that you will enjoy it."

"I'd love to." I smiled. I decided it would be a good idea, considering I knew that I couldn't dwell on what I lost forever. If I couldn't have what I left back in Toronto, I would make sure to get it again in New York.

"Hey, Clare. Look at this." Katie called, making me stop in my tracks. I turned around and walked over to where she had stopped as she was studying the bulletin board. I noticed Zig had done the same.

"What?" I asked.

"You said you wanted to be a journalist." Katie began.

"Yeah, so?" I asked confused.

"There is your start." She said pointing to a flyer that was stuck to the board. It was an ad for a work-study program at a local newspaper.

"What?" I asked, shocked. I ripped the paper off the wall and studied what it said. "It's at some place called 'The Core'? Ever heard of it?" I asked Katie and Zig.

"Yeah. My friend Connor works there. He's been working there since last year." Zig explained. "You'll actually meet him tonight."

"Does he like it there?" I asked. I wasn't really needing the answer. I was going to work there either way.

"Yeah. He loves it. He says it's the best work study for journalism around here." Zig continued.

"You should give it a shot." Katie stated. "I mean what do you have to lose?"

"Exactly." I gave a small smile, before stuffing the paper into my purse.

We headed to the nearest dining hall, and I learned more about Zig's band. He and Katie were ecstatic that I was going tonight. Katie told me that I would get to meet Marisol officially and Mo, and that she would get introduce me to some others that hang out at the gigs. Zig told me that I would get to meet the band, and he would introduce me to Connor.

Honestly, I felt lost. They were both outgoing and I didn't really see how I could possibly fit in, into their social group. They told me that I wasn't the only one who felt that way, but sadly, I felt completely awkward and out of place in large groups. I've always felt that way, but since the whole Asher situation, I haven't been able to handle it.

Last year, I had avoided everyone that I possibly could. Even though it was my senior year, I didn't do anything. I didn't go to prom or graduation. I didn't socialize. I was glad to not have rumors circulating like I knew they would back in Toronto, but at the same time, if I told anyone who I was I would be judged. I would be known as 'the girl who got kidnapped' or 'the girl who is mentally unstable'. So that meant I couldn't get close to anyone.

I was slowly working on that by getting out there more, and hanging out with more people, but I also know that I can't get too close to anyone because they'll find out about me and that wouldn't be too good. It was best to keep these people at bay. Keep them at length so that way they didn't have to find out about my past, especially since I was trying to avoid it, and so if they ever did find out, I wouldn't feel so hurt when they leave.

After breakfast, Zig had to go to another class, which gave time for Katie to begin pestering me about him. She wanted to know everything. Whether I liked him or not, etc. Honestly. I couldn't say for sure whether I liked him or not. I liked that he helped me forget and remember all at the same time. I was able to see the similarities to Eli, but at the same time I was able to see that he wasn't like Eli. I was able to forget Eli, but also having Zig so similar to Eli made the pain of the loss all that much easier.

"So? Do you like him? Because I know that he has taken a liking to you." Katie questioned.

"I don't know. I like him. But I am not sure what that entails. He just reminds me of someone that I thought I wouldn't think about. Apparently that's not the case." I replied sadly.

"Your ex. Yeah." Katie agreed remembering our earlier conversation. "However, you didn't say anything else about him, or her I don't judge. And Zig is a very feminine guy sometimes." She teased trying to lighten the mood.

"Him." I smiled. "It's just so complicated that I don't know how to even explain our relationship into words." Besides the whole way we met, I wasn't even sure how to put everything that adds up to Eli into words.

"Why not start with him. Tell me about him."

"Eli is—" I began. "He's very—" I cut off again, a smile forming. "He's amazing. He's caring. He's passionate. He's strong. He's intelligent. He's brave. And all those words don't even come close to describing him."

"Why did you two break up then?" She asked me. I knew this was coming. I bit my lip deciding whether or not to respond to that question.

"I ended it." I sighed.

"Why?" She asked confused. "You sound like you love him. Why would you end it?"

"I do love him. I think I always will, but I couldn't be with him. He came into my life at a time where I needed him most, but a lot of stuff happened while we were dating. It wasn't necessarily about him, but I just wanted a fresh start. And being with him, it just reminded me of everything that happened. I felt like I couldn't get over it and put it behind me, and date him too." I explained.

"But you aren't over him." She said.

"I thought I was. But Zig is just so similar that he reminds me so much of Eli that I'm not so sure anymore." I sighed. Katie nodded before speaking again.

"Have you seen him since?" She asked.

"No. I sort of ran away. Literally. I moved to Boston—" I paused. "From Toronto."

"How long after?"

"Three days." I cringed.

"Three days?" Katie asked appalled. "Three days? Clare!"

"I know. I know." I sighed, looking down at my hands. "I just—" I paused again. "I run. That's what I do. And I don't know what to do about it, but that's what I do. I didn't expect him to come after me. I don't expect him to still love me back, but that doesn't change the fact that I am still not over him."

"Maybe spending some time with Zig will be good? Not necessarily romantically, but just hanging out. See where it goes. It couldn't hurt, and maybe it'll help you decide what you want to do. Either move on with your life and get over Eli, or giving it another shot with him." Katie explained. "Just start with the meet up tonight. Go from there." I nodded.

"I guess it couldn't hurt." I stated.

"At least then you'll know, and you won't be so confused." She replied.

"True." I exhaled. Maybe moving on is for the best?


	5. The Meet And Greet

**Hey guys! I'm back! These chapters are getting longer and longer! Last one was about 1,600 words now this one is 2,500 words. I'm really working on getting them longer by making everything flow together better and not having so many gaps in time. As of right now, that will have to happen in the story because this story is going to happen over a matter of months. Unlike Ransom Romance, that happened over a matter of weeks. So hopefully, if all goes according to plan, I'll be able to adjust and make everything flow together so it won't be all gaps of time and filler chapters. That's my goal anyways. Alright, so on with the chapter. As always, Read and Review!**

* * *

><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

"Come on Clare. You need to hurry up. Zig is going to kill us if we show up late." Katie called from where she stood knocking on my door. I walked over to the door, opening it. She stood there tapping her foot, as I walked back to get my stuff together.

"Yeah. Yeah." I smile, grabbing my phone and purse from where they laid on the bed.

"Come on. Marisol is already there, and she is known for being fashionably late." Katie stated. "Plus Marisol wanted to officially meet you before the band started playing, since you two have been missing each other whenever we have tried to all hang out."

"I know. I'm just not used to these things." I sighed, putting my dorm key and a couple other things into my purse.

"Band gigs?" She asked confused.

"Social gatherings." I clarified.

"Ah. Well, you have to get used to it some time." She smiled. "Come on. Let's go."

"'Kay." I exhaled.

I slung my purse onto my shoulder, before following her out into the hallway. As we walked, she began talking about what tonight would be like. Mainly, she was telling me what typically happened at these 'gigs'. However, she didn't give me any clues on to who I was meeting. I knew Marisol and Mo vaguely, but everyone else I had no clue about. It was nerve-wracking. How could I possibly act okay, when I had the issue of freaking out about not knowing anything ahead of time?

Katie and I walked across campus and towards one of the many campus buildings. Katie led me into a building with a bunch of smaller classrooms. Katie explained that Zig and his band got permission to practice in there once a week. They didn't have a true gig tonight but they would next week. Tonight it was just the band doing a performance in front of friends, so they could get into the swing of things again now that school was back in session.

"Hey. You guys made it!" Marisol exclaimed walking over to us. "Mo was going to freak out if Zig decided to bail to get ahold of you."

"Thanks Mar. Freak Clare out even more, why don't you?" Katie teased.

"Ladies. Ladies. Don't fight over me. I'm not a trophy." Mo joked, walking over.

"Mo. This is Clare." Katie interjected.

"Ah, so she's the reason that Zig wouldn't stop looking at his phone." Mo stated bluntly. I began blushing because I barely knew Zig. We have been talking on and off for a week but honestly, I didn't know much about him. But apparently that didn't matter to him.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Katie asked laughing.

"Yes." Marisol directed at Katie, before speaking to me. "Clare come on. I want to introduce you to everyone."

"Everyone?" I asked nervously. I wasn't good with a spot light. I liked to stay off in the shadows. Plus there were like thirty people in here. At least. I didn't want to go get introduced to everyone.

"The band?" Marisol prompted, taking my arm and walking me towards the stage area where Zig was standing with a couple others. They were messing around with their instruments. "Guys. This is Clare. Zig and Katie's new friend. This is her first year."

"Ah so you are the infamous Clare. We have heard a lot about you." This girl stated, she looked even younger than me. "I'm Maya Matlin. Katie's younger sister, current freshman, and the band's cellist. The reason I might look younger is because I am. I graduated two years earlier than I should've." She beamed.

"Oh. Hi." I replied, caught off guard with her bluntness. "I didn't know Katie had a younger sister."

"I'm Jack. I'm sure you don't know anything about me either." Another girl stated, but she didn't say anything more before walking over to the amps.

"Sorry, Jack takes a little getting used to. She tends to be a little distant, but she is very nice when you get to know her." Maya explained.

"Her name is Jack Jones. She's a sophomore." Marisol continued. "And she plays the drums."

"Connor." Maya called to a guy that looked around my age. "Come over here."

"What? I'm trying to set up the amps to the instruments." This guy said. He had glasses and was taller than Mo and Zig.

"I just wanted you to meet Clare. Calm down." Maya stated smiling.

"I am calm." Connor pointed out confused.

"Clare, this is Connor. Connor, this is Clare." Maya continued ignoring what Connor said.

"Can I go now?" He asked, barely giving me a glance.

"Connor." Maya warned.

"But you did what you said you wanted me for." He said, still confused.

"Okay. Okay. Go." Maya said shaking her head. After he walked off, she turned to me again. "Sorry. He's not very outgoing. Trust me though, he's the smartest person you'll ever talk to. However, he might not be the nicest, he is honest."

"That's refreshing. I wouldn't mind blunt honesty after everything." I exhaled. Maya noticed that I wasn't going to elaborate and she didn't pry.

"Hey, Maya. We have to get ready." Jack called from where she was setting up at the drum set.

"'Kay, so I have to go. I'll see you guys after the show." Maya said before walking off. I followed Marisol back through the crowd until we found Katie. By that point, the band was on stage and they were setting up. Apparently Zig was the singer, which he never told me.

"Hey. We are WhisperHug and we have decided to take things back to the beginning, by singing the first song that we ever did." Zig announced, before focusing on the guitar in his hand.

They started playing and everyone in the room was amazed and focused on them. Apparently they were good. When they really got into the song, I could tell they were good. The song was good and I couldn't help but watch all the band members. They were really passionate about their instruments and making sure that everything came together perfectly. Every note. Every word. To make it all flow together into a network of sounds to form a song.

"So what do you think?" Marisol asked, from where she stood next to me. Katie stood on her other side glancing over at me.

"They're good." I smiled briefly before glancing back at the stage. "Why didn't Zig tell me he was the singer?" Katie and Marisol glanced at each other before looking back at me. "What?" I asked confused.

"Nothing. He just doesn't want to seem full of himself." Katie reassured.

I wasn't exactly reassured by that, but I ignored it and returned to watching the band. They had already changed songs into something else, and I wanted to show that I was paying attention. Even though my mind was somewhere else.

What did they truly want to say? Was Katie right? Did Zig like me? A lot? Was he truly trying to impress me? I felt bad that if this was true, that I was going to end up hurting him. I couldn't get into a relationship when I still wasn't over Eli. If Zig truly liked me, how could I hurt him like that?

Who was I kidding? I didn't even know for sure if he liked me. All I knew was from what Katie said. Maybe she read the signs wrong. Maybe he didn't like me. That would be for the better. Because even though I liked Zig as a friend, and he could possibly be an opportunity to move on from my past, I didn't actually want to date him. I thought he was cute and funny but I wasn't ready for all the unexpected drama and issues that would come with dating.

Oh god. I am going crazy over something I didn't even know the truth about.

"I'll be right back." I stated to Katie and Marisol. The band was still playing but I needed some fresh air.

I moved passed everyone as I made my way to the door. When I made it into the hallway, I leaned against the wall and slid down. I couldn't do this. I couldn't pretend that I was normal. I couldn't pretend that I had feelings for Zig when I was clearly not over Eli. However, I knew Eli was gone forever and I should move on. Hurting Zig and messing with him wouldn't be the right way to get over him.

I stayed out there for a while before the band stopped playing and all I heard was chatter going on inside. Eventually I heard music that was on the radio, most likely meaning that the band was done playing for the night. I knew everyone would be looking for me. I knew that I should go back inside. However, I couldn't seem to get myself up and walking. I just wanted to become invisible.

"Clare?" I looked up to see Zig walking over to me, from where the room was. "What are you doing over here? Did we suck that bad?" He smirked.

"No. You guys were great." I replied. Zig sat down beside me, looking at me.

"So why are you out here by yourself then?" He asked.

"I just have a lot on my mind right now. And since I am not one to go to these types of things, I figured I would stay out here. I didn't want to be a buzz kill, but I am not really feeling up to partying." I explained.

"Why not?" He asked curiously.

"It's just something Katie said. It's not a big deal, but I just don't really feel up to talking to everyone anymore." I responded vaguely.

"Well, it's obviously a big deal if you are out here in the hallway on a Friday night in Columbia University dorm life." He continued.

"You make it sound so glamorous." I gave a small smile.

"Well isn't it?" He asked. "We are at one of the most prestigious schools in all of the country. Getting to do what we want to do, minus homework, and we have our whole futures in front of us. How could life get any better?"

"I suppose it couldn't." I agreed.

"So why does something Katie said bother you so much?" He asked.

"Because she said that you liked me." I whispered.

"And is that such a bad thing?" He asked confused.

"No. It's just I don't want a relationship right now. And I also don't want things to get weird between us." I sighed.

"Clare look at me." Zig stated. I did. "Why does me liking you, have to equal up to a relationship? Why couldn't we have a little fun together and see where things go? If they end, we move on. Trust me when I say that I don't mind the whole 'no strings attached' thing. Yes. I like you. But that doesn't mean we can't just remain friends." Maybe we could just fool around. I mean it is college right?

Maybe I could grow to like him if I was able to keep things casual for now, and then hopefully get over Eli in the process? I could kill two birds with one stone. I wouldn't lose the chance to see where Zig and I could go, but at the same time I would be able to have time to get over Eli. If that was all possible.

"You promise that it won't affect our friendship?" I asked.

"I promise. Clare. This is a guy you are talking to." He laughed.

"True. But you have feelings too." I reminded him.

"But they won't get in the way. This will be something fun to do. Something that will keep us satisfied while also making it so we don't have to worry about all that relationship drama. Plus wouldn't it be fun?" He prompted.

"It would. I just—" I cut off. "I can't have sex. I can't go through that right now. I won't."

"I respect that. Like I said, we will see where this goes. For now. Nothing but fun." He continued. "Now can we stop talking so I can kiss you?"

My breathing cut off as he smirked and leaned in. He brought his hand to my cheek and pulled me in. As our lips met, I felt content. It was nothing compared to kissing Eli, but then again I knew that I was never going to get over Eli if I was going to compare everything and everyone to him. So I ignored my thoughts and just deepened the kiss.

I opened my mouth and he accepted the invitation, pushing his tongue in. I grasped his shirt in my hand, trying to find any way to pull him closer.

"Va, va, voom." We broke apart when Marisol spoke up.

"Mar. Leave them alone." Katie scolded.

"Come on, Clare. Time to drag you away from the rock star." Marisol stated. "Zig, Mo needs your help cleaning up."

"Is the party over already?" He asked standing up. I soon followed.

"No, but he wants to get all the instruments out of there now. Otherwise, he's afraid of having another instrument smashing fiasco." Marisol explained.

"Right. Connor still hasn't forgiven Jack and I for what we did to his keyboard." He replied, before turning to me. "I'll see you later Clare."

"Yeah." I agreed, watching him walk back into the room.

"So, give us the juicy details." Marisol prompted.

"Nothing happened." I stated.

"Right. Nothing ever happens when a guy has his tongue down your throat." Katie smiled. "So are you guys going out now?"

"It's not like that." I argued. "We are just going to keep things casual for now."

"Right. Casual. That never stays that way for long." Marisol retorted.

"If I feel like things are getting too emotional or like a relationship, I'll end it. Case closed." I replied.

"That's what they all say." Marisol teased.

"Come on, Mar. Clare doesn't want a relationship right now, and Zig never really dates so it's perfect." Katie stated. "Now. How about ice cream?"

"Sounds good." I smiled, halfheartedly. If people didn't understand why I wanted a casual relationship, then I guess I would have to live with it. Katie understood. Hopefully everyone else would in time.


	6. The Interview

**Hey guys! Sorry that this chapter is shorter than the last one, but I couldn't make it any longer without it beginning to be mostly filling. Sorry. Hope you guys can forgive me, since it's just this once. And I'm sorry that it's a little late in the night, but I was finishing reading the last book in the series for the Bloodlines series by Richelle Mead. It's truly amazing and I definitely recommend it. However, if you decided to read it, read Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead first. The Bloodlines series is a spin-off of the Vampire Academy series, so you have to read one before the other. Anyways, here's the next chapter! As always, Read and Review!**

* * *

><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

"_Hello?" I answered the phone. I had just gotten back to my dorm room from my class._

"_Hi. I'm looking for Clare Edwards." A female voice spoke._

"_This is she." I replied._

"_Hello. My name is Ellie Nash. I am the Associate Editor at the Core. We would like to know if you are still interested, and if so, we'd like to ask you to come in for an interview?" She asked._

"_Yeah. Yes. I'm interested. Umm. When would you like me to come in?" I asked._

"_How about a week from today? Next Monday at nine?" She offered._

"_At nine?" I hesitated. "I actually have class from nine to five on Mondays."_

"_Okay. No problem. We are open until eight. Can you possibly do six-thirty?" She asked._

"_Yes. Definitely. I'll be there." I jumped at the opportunity._

"_Great. We'll see you then." Ellie said._

"_Definitely. Thank you." I smiled, before hanging up the phone._

That was a week ago. I was currently on the subway, heading to my interview. I haven't seen Katie much since the Friday before I got that call, after the band gig. I have been busy with my classes now that they are in full swing. Plus I have been writing a few articles for the university's newspaper. I wanted to try to become part of that if this whole job opportunity with the Core fell through.

"You'll be fine. Don't worry too much. Worst case is that you won't get the job and you work at the university's paper until you find a job. It's not the end of the line." Zig stated, walking over to me and sitting down next to me.

"Yeah. I just—" I cut off, rubbing my eyes. "I just don't want to go through all of this to end up not getting the job. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it's too late. I mean this is New York City. It's a lot different than working at my school back in Toronto." I sighed.

"Toronto? I thought you were from Boston." Zig replied confused.

"What?" I asked shocked. I didn't mean to let that slip. Last thing I needed was someone to just look back at Toronto and find out my past. "Yeah. I am." I said.

"So why did you say Toronto?" He asked.

"Because I lived there before I moved to Boston last year." I sighed. If he found out any other way, even from Katie because she knew that I was from Toronto, then he might actually be suspicious and look me up.

"Oh okay." He nodded, rubbing my back with his hand before pulling me into his side.

"Thanks for coming with me." I sighed, leaning into him.

"That's what friends are for." He smiled down at me.

"Next stop, Penn Station." The conductor spoke over the intercom.

"That's you." Zig stated.

"You're not coming?" I asked nervously.

"You need to do this on your own. If I go, you'll be holding onto me." He stated.

"I—Okay." I muttered.

The train came to a halt, and I stood up and headed to the door. I stood with many other passengers, waiting for the doors to open. When they did, I was forced out into the station. I left the station heading down the street towards the direction I needed. When I made it to the building I needed, I went inside. I had to go up to the fifth floor, before arriving at the Core.

When I did, walk into the Core it was a complete rush. People were bustling and moving in different directions. Everyone seemed to know what to do. Phones were ringing off the hook, and people were calling to each other from across the room.

"Ellie Nash. Associate editor. You must be Clare." The lady said, walking up to me.

"Hi." I smiled, shaking her hand.

"Come on. Jesse is waiting for you." She stated, directing me towards an office with glass for walls.

"Jesse?" I asked confused.

"The Core's lead editor?" She explained.

"Oh. I thought you were." I replied.

"Almost. I'm Jesse's second in command." She laughed. She walked into the glass office where a guy was hunched over his desk looking through papers. "Jesse. Clare Edwards is here for her interview." Jesse looked up and met both of our gazes before he put his papers down.

"Thank you Ellie." He smiled. Ellie headed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. "Clare, why don't you take a seat." He said, gesturing to the chair on the opposite side of the desk from him.

"Sure." I smiled kindly. "Thanks."

"So from your resume I see that you don't have any experience at an actual newspaper. But I did find that you worked in your newspaper back in Toronto. What happened to that?" He asked, looking through notes before looking up.

"How did you find that out? I didn't put that in my resume." I said confused.

"We are required to do background checks to make sure nothing surfaces into the press that we are unaware of." He answered. "So what happened to your position two years ago?" He repeated.

"I—I um, I moved. And I wanted to focus on school when I got to my new school so I didn't apply to that paper." I answered.

"I see." He exhales before crossing his arms on the desk in front of him. "Clare I know about Toronto. Everything that happened. I understand why you want that to be hidden from people, but you can't hide it in journalism. If you get a controversial story or a rogue writer out to get you, they'll delve into your past. They'll find out these things within minutes of searching your name."

"I just don't want it to affect me. I've moved on. It's in the past, and I want it to stay there." I replied.

"You can't keep secrets in a newspaper. You can keep it from outsiders, but not from your coworkers. Within these walls we have no secrets. We work together to get everything done efficiently and we all help each other out." He said.

"Okay." I exhaled.

"So what's the most important thing to you about a story?" He asked, looking back through his notes again.

I smiled as I thought about it, glad that we were back on safe topics. Eventually the interview was over, and he told me I could leave. Ellie was waiting for me afterwards.

"All set?" She asked.

"Yeah. Thanks." I replied smiling.

"Okay. Great. We will give you a call. If you haven't heard from us by next week, give us a call. Jesse can get a little sidetracked some times." She stated, as she showed me out.

"Great. Thanks." I smiled. Walking out of the office, I couldn't be more elated. Things were finally turning around for me.


	7. The Study Session

**Hey guys! This chapter is longer than the previous one so I am on the right track to making these longer. Trust me, the next one is already almost done and it is definitely longer. Plus you will get a little peek at what Eli and Adam have been up to in a couple chapters. So stay tuned! As always, Read and Review!**

* * *

><p><strong>Clare's POV<strong>

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Katie asked.

"Yes, Katie. I'm fine. Go have fun without me." I smiled into the phone. "I have a whole lot of work to do."

"Okay. But you better not be using this as an excuse to sneak off somewhere." Katie warned.

"I'm not. I promise. Where would I be going anyways? I don't have anywhere to go. Especially not one I would have to keep a secret." I explained.

"True. But just checking." She stated. "So have you heard back after the interview?"

"Not yet, but I was told it would be a couple weeks before I heard anything." I replied.

"Okay, well I just arrived at the band room. So I'll call you after the performance? Maybe we can get something to eat after if you are done?"

"Sounds great. Now if only I could get this finished so I could go." I smiled again.

"Well let me know." She said.

"I will. Thanks, Katie." I said.

I spent the next hour or so working on my assignments. I had three separate assignments, two were fairly easy. They just took up time that I should've been working on the last assignment. The last assignment was a project. It was a writing assignment and a presentation to go with. The essay was a piece of cake, it kind of hand to be if I wanted to be a journalist. So I decided to start on that first. I would figure out my presentation afterwards.

I was about halfway done with the essay when I heard a knock on my door. I closed my laptop and got up, hoping that it wasn't Katie coming to convince me to come hang out. I really needed to work on the project. When I opened the door, I was surprised to see Zig standing here.

"Hey." He smirked.

"Hey. What's up? I thought you would be performing still." I replied confused.

"I told Mo I wasn't feeling well. Maya said she would cover and sing." He explained.

"If you aren't feeling well, shouldn't you go lay down or something?" I asked.

"I only said that, because I wanted to come check up on you." He waved off my words.

"Uh huh. You know you shouldn't lie to your friends." I stated. "Not because of me. I don't want to be caught in the middle. Especially since I want to be friends with them too."

"How will they know I lied?" He asked stepping closer to me. I lost my train of thought at his proximity. "Unless you go and tell on me." He said, stepping even closer, cupping my face with both of his hands.

"I—uh." I stuttered, trying to think clearly.

"Clare Edwards, the girl with the writing skills has lost her capability to speak?" He teased.

"Just shut up and kiss me." I stammered, throwing my arms around him.

Our lips forced themselves together, and we stumbled further into my room. Zig slammed the door shut behind him, and we toppled over to the bed. As I felt myself lying on the homework, that was now long forgotten, I moved it out of my way. I also haphazardly handed my laptop to Zig who put it on the chair next to the bed, before returning to me.

We reattached our lips and pushed backwards further onto the bed, and Zig climbed on top of me. His kisses got harder and more bruising but I liked it. Frankly, because I was pushing against him as hard as he was on me. He moved his hand underneath my leg, guiding it to bend and move around his waist. When he was satisfied by that, he moved his hands to the hem of my shirt.

He slowly traced the edges of my shirt before running his hands up and under.

"Zig. I can't." I stated.

"I know. Don't worry. Pants will stay on." He reassured, before pushing my shirt up.

Eventually my shirt ended up on the ground, and Zig began kissing me again. When his lips moved down to my neck, I had to keep my eyes open. If I closed them and took in the sensations too much I would think I was with Eli. When Zig was kissing me, I could see that he was different, even with my eyes closed. His kisses were different than Eli's. I'm not saying they were bad, just different.

When Zig was kissing my neck, all I could see was black shaggy hair and black skinny jeans. It easily could've been Eli. It used to be Eli.

"I can't do this." I said pulling away. "I'm sorry."

"You really don't get the premise of a casual relationship do you?" He smirked pulling back and sitting up.

"I'll get the hang of it eventually." I exhaled, sitting up. "So are you mad?"

"About what? You said no sex. I wasn't going to push. However, I would've enjoyed kissing a bit longer." He smirked again, running his hand through his hair. "I should probably let you get back to your assignments."

"You mean the crumbled work we just made out on?" I asked jokingly.

"Yeah. Those." He leaned in and kissed me again. I closed my eyes, but I felt him move around while kissing. When he pulled back, I saw that he had my shirt in his hands. "You probably want this."

"Yeah. That's probably a good idea." I said, grabbing it and slipping it on.

"Another good idea would be to let me see you without it more often." He smirked.

"Go." I smiled, smacking his arm lightly. "Out."

"Ouch. What did I ever do to you?" He asked, feigning hurt and standing up.

"You distracted me from my assignments." I retorted, ushering him towards the door.

"You're right. I might have done that." He smirked, opening the door. "So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Count on it." I smiled back.

"'Kay." He nodded before walking away, and I shut the door.

I leaned against it, not really sure how to ignore what just happened. I was making out with a perfectly good guy, and all I was thinking about was Eli. God, could I possibly get through another year without screwing everything up? I really didn't want it to be reoccurring thing with me, but that didn't seem like it was going to happen.

I was only able to work five minutes on the assignment before my phone started ringing. Maybe this assignment just wasn't meant to be? I had to find the phone because it had fallen when Zig and I were fooling around. When I did find it, I didn't recognize the number right away. I answered it anyways.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hello. I'm looking for a Clare Edwards." A female voice spoke.

"This is she." I confirmed.

"Hi. It's Ellie. I just wanted to contact you about your interview at the Core. If you are still interested, we'd like to offer you the position." The voice spoke.

"Yes. Of course I'm interested." I replied happily.

"Alright then. We will set you up for orientation. How about next Friday? Say nine?" She asked.

"Sounds great." I agreed.

"We'll see you then." Ellie replied.

"Yes. Thank you." I smiled as I hung up the phone.

I couldn't believe it. I just got accepted into my dream college job. How could life be any better right now? My brain started drifting to Eli and Adam but I refused to go there. I wanted to actually enjoy this moment and not dwell on the 'what ifs'. That would be tomorrow's problem. I decided to dial Katie and see if she was still up for meeting up. I couldn't wait to tell her.

"Hey, Clare." She answered the phone. "What's up?"

"Still up for hanging out?" I asked.

"Definitely. Why? Did you finish your assignments?" She asked happily.

"No. But I have news. And I want to celebrate." I smiled. Tonight was going to be good.


	8. The Heat Up

**Hey guys. Two more chapters until you see the friends of the past that you are waiting for. I hope you guys can wait for that. That is definitely going to be when the story will get interesting, trust me. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, it's really just a filler, but I can't do anything more with it. So hopefully you guys don't hate me too much. As always, Read and Review!**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8: The Heat Up<strong>

"Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?" I asked.

"Yes. However, I am right." Zig replied.

"How could you possibly be right?" I asked confused.

"Because I am." He continued, smugly.

"Ugh. You are so irritating some times." I smiled, going back to my project. We were currently siting on my floor, working. Zig is helping me with my project for Thursday. It's currently Tuesday, so I have time, but I was struggling so he came to help.

"So are you excited about orientation on Friday?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah. I'm just hoping I won't screw this opportunity up. I mean, what if I can't adapt to a bustling newspaper environment? What do I do then?" I asked.

"I think you need to relax a little. Take your mind off of things." He suggested. "And I think I know exactly how to do that." He leaned over and moved my hair out of the way of my neck. I could feel his breath as he leaned in and then started kissing me at the base of my neck.

"You know, you are very distracting. It seems every time I have homework to do, you are trying to get into my pants." I teased.

"Well I wouldn't have to stoop that low if you would just put out already." He smirked, pulling back, before leaning in again.

"Pig." I smiled, leaning into him more, and giving him more access.

"That may be true, however, you still want me." He mumbled against my skin.

I felt him slide his hand to my inner thigh, which was exposed because I was currently sitting with my legs crossed. He began to run his hand up further, making me very nervous but also heated. I didn't want to go all the way yet, but I wasn't against it. He moved his hand to the danger zone, before running his fingers back and forth.

He started pushing his body against mine, signaling he wanted me to lay back. So I did. He moved over me, going back to focusing on his ministrations. He started rubbing me through my jeans, and I could feel myself heating up. I could also tell that he was enjoying this, because he was getting harder against my thigh.

I knew I was becoming flush, and he was getting excited. He shifted over me more, pushing out cores together while he removed his hand from between my legs. He moved his hand up under my shirt, while started moving his body against mine. I moved my legs apart, letting him fit in between them, as he pushed against me more vigorously.

It created a wonderfully pleasant sensation that I wasn't expecting. It was extremely nice, and I didn't know what to do. I had to break it to him that I wasn't going to have sex, but he was making me feel so good.

He began moving my shirt up, using both of his hands to do this, using his elbow to prop himself up, while moving his body against mine. He pushed my shirt up over my bra, moved his lips down onto my chest. He began kissing me everywhere that was exposed. I felt him begin to finger my bra and move his hands underneath.

He ended up moving my bra downwards under my breasts, so it pushed them up. He leaned down, and took hold of one of my breasts in his mouth, and it made me feel amazing. I didn't know how to respond, so I bit my lip. However, as the new sensation became more bearable, I was able to think a little more clearly.

The first thought that entered my mind was that, he wasn't Eli. I even felt like I was betraying Eli somehow because he never did this to me, because I didn't give him the chance. I left him before we could go past sleeping together once. We didn't do any of the stuff I have done, or I am currently doing. We kept things more basic, to start things off. I know he did that for my sake, and I began feeling horrible about doing this, now with Zig.

"Zig. I can't." I gasped, trying to find the words and the courage to tell him without making it seem like it was his fault. Because it wasn't. It's completely my fault.

"Come on, Clare." Zig said, releasing my breast. "Loosen up. You are so tense."

"Zig. I can't sleep with you." I stated, pushing him back a little. He exhaled a little before pulling away completely.

"You really don't understand the term 'casual'. Do you?" He smirked.

"Apparently not." I smiled back. Glad that we were back to joking again.

"Well then, come on. You have a project to finish." He sighed, moving back to his original sitting position.


End file.
